that's what i am right now. i can't figure it out but i'm finding it so hard to be interested in anything i'm reading. i'm beginning to question the whole point of learning and memorizing things only to throw it back at recitation. or maybe it's because i'm just having a hard time with it lately. i don't even know. i don't feel like studying and i can't motivate myself to do better. what is this?? not complacency because i've already been humiliated enough. i just can't bring myself to exert more effort. my energy to do that is seriously lacking. what's the point? grades, yes but i don't even feel like i'm truly retaining anything? is it because i've been taking shortcuts? i don't know what to do anymore. i'm trying to push on but i feel as if my efforts are in vain. i'm trying to be smart but all i end up with is unprepared. i can't figure this shit out and i basically feel like i'm on my own.
donna suggested setting goals and even gave me examples :(
1. Find a worthy competitor in class and constantly strive to be better than that person - probably farah or job or carla or justine or bian? is everyone just better?
2. aim to be top ___ of your batch? - this presupposes good grades which i'm just not getting right now
3. Impress a certain prof - I kind of need all of them to be but maybe for tonight just focus on Sison but I also really need to redeem myself to Pambid :(
all in all i feel like this is my lowest point in law school. and it's only just begun. and it started out all wrong. i don't know how to dig myself out of this grave i've created.
my will is so weak. it really is and i don't know how to fix it.
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