what to do today

1. avoid portia batchmates
2. study/try to memorize for oblicon quiz
3. study leg prof
4. study oblicon
5. study crim
6. study consti
7. study leg theory

lezdoit. top 20.

empty

nothing feels real / i feel nothing

is this what living alone feels like? just unlimited freedom with all the consequences?

at a loss at what i should do first. this whole day has been an utter waste.

upside is there's no legprof or oblicon for the whole week. so just gotta get through the following:

1. oblicon quiz
2. crim
3. consti
4. crim
5. leg theory
6. consti

with the added bonus of sorority application stuff.

why oh why. this is just depressing. why can't i be depressing and productive. that would just solve everything.

hangover day

aside from my monthly sickness, had to contend with a hangover today which basically means my entire afternoon and morning was spent sleeping. never gonna drink again. or at least not anytime soon.

i don't know what to study since leg prof and oblicon profs wont be around on monday. i should probably just catch up on crim and consti. oh and reread everything for legtheo.

have i mentioned i'm applying for a sorority? i just filled out the form and i hope they don't sense my lack of enthusiasm from the answers. still in process of finding them myself so i hope they can see that.

what else? hoping tomorrow will be productive because turns out i have to memorize all the members of the sorority or something for my presentation on monday. wonder if i have to wear something formal?

anyway. this past friday was probably the most fun friday i've had of the year. took the quiz (had to take it twice! got 94% the first time around because guuuuhhhh), went to BGC for the british festival, then went to up town to celebrate miclat's birthday at midnight. and yup never gonna drink anything named kamikaze again.

that's it for now. hoping for a good week! should i wake up really early and go to mass at christ the king? hmmm let's see!

post-oblicon thoughts: unsatisfactory

second chance to get it right in oblicon and i still couldn't do it. the first question i got right and he gave me a "good" but the second one is where things went downhill.

he asked me what relation article 1191 had to the case and, me, thinking it had to be responsive to the question, answered purely the ratio on 1191. i forgot to mention that the parties expressly stipulated in their agreement that the contract could be rescinded. he called rosie then yen who got it right. it's unfair because i knew he answer if only he had asked me. but i guess my face was reading as if that's all i knew. the only thing more frustrating than being called and not being able to answer anything is being called, not being able to answer anything, but you knew full well the correct answer. to add insult to injury, farah had to raise her hand and say what i said was wrong. thanks, girl. strike two. why you gotta do me like that. remind me not to help her out again because what she's doing, intentionally or not, is just making me look bad.

sigh. third time's the charm.

end of week 6

has it been six weeks into law school already? feels like such a short time has passed given the 4-day week (or less) our block keeps having.

i kind of lost momentum already with what i wanted to write given how long it took for this page to load. wifi, you are sincerely missed.

six weeks in and i feel like i haven't really learned/retained much. kind of turned my crim recit around but still sorely reeling from 3/5 consti recit and a possible 4 for oblicon. goodness gracious. tomorrow is really oblicon catch up day. will read all the cases for next meeting, read balane, and read tolentino. you heard it here first. i'm so annoyed at how badly i performed last time that i just want to be able to come back in a big way and redeem myself in his eyes :(

leg prof is okay i guess. i haven't been called yet so i'm on deck soon now. will deal with that on sunday. no leg theory this weekend because no classes so YES.

gotta finish consti tonight to stay on "schedule".

okay thanks.

edit: i just read farah's post and wow what am i doing with my weekend

struggling

that's what i am right now. i can't figure it out but i'm finding it so hard to be interested in anything i'm reading. i'm beginning to question the whole point of learning and memorizing things only to throw it back at recitation. or maybe it's because i'm just having a hard time with it lately. i don't even know. i don't feel like studying and i can't motivate myself to do better. what is this?? not complacency because i've already been humiliated enough. i just can't bring myself to exert more effort. my energy to do that is seriously lacking. what's the point? grades, yes but i don't even feel like i'm truly retaining anything? is it because i've been taking shortcuts? i don't know what to do anymore. i'm trying to push on but i feel as if my efforts are in vain. i'm trying to be smart but all i end up with is unprepared. i can't figure this shit out and i basically feel like i'm on my own.

donna suggested setting goals and even gave me examples :(
1. Find a worthy competitor in class and constantly strive to be better than that person - probably farah or job or carla or justine or bian? is everyone just better?
2. aim to be top ___ of your batch? - this presupposes good grades which i'm just not getting right now
3. Impress a certain prof - I kind of need all of them to be but maybe for tonight just focus on Sison but I also really need to redeem myself to Pambid :(

all in all i feel like this is my lowest point in law school. and it's only just begun. and it started out all wrong. i don't know how to dig myself out of this grave i've created.

my will is so weak. it really is and i don't know how to fix it.