thoughts from plansem

before completing my forms for my internship tomorrow, i just want to jot down a few of my thoughts from cap's plansem.

i went into it with absolutely no expectations in mind. this time around, i already felt so comfortable in my own skin. there was no more pressure to fit in or live up to someone's standard since i've been through it before. there was no desire to please or shine since it was old hat to me.

living like that, with that mindset...i felt totally free and easy.

during sessions, i was able to speak my mind without the fear of being judged. during inuman, i had the courage to go upstairs and sleep when i knew i reached my limit.

having donna and karah there was easier for me in a way. it gave me a chance to be open to everyone else without the group thing hanging over me and having to stick together at all times. it gave me the freedom to stop comparing myself to them and what they've achieved. in a way, the last plansem was so unhealthy to my self-esteem.

cap plansem wasn't new to me, but everything felt fresh and exciting. i'm so thankful to be in an org that allows me to experience these things without having to change who i am or what i stand for. i'm so glad that i'm appreciated and my ideas are given serious consideration. i feel like i'm talking to such a mature and professional group of people. people who are so driven and filled with creative ideas.

i'm so thankful to be part of this org.

last plansem, i ended it feeling like i had so much to prove. this time around, i end it with the desire to serve in the best way possible. to give my all to an org that has already given me so much.

perhaps i won't always feel this way about cap. there will still be times where i will curse it and blame it for things that happen to me. but right now, i'm just happy and content and excited for the year ahead.

i trust this org. i really do.

Forced to reevaluate/reconsider/rethink some things

yesterday was koko day. i met her, marlo, and marion at trinoma to spend her last few hours in the Philippines. not much to say about the experience except that the entire time, i was forcing the dramatics to start. for us all to acknowledge that koko was leaving, when in fact, it was ME who hadn't accepted it yet. moment of truth came when we were already in the driveway of her house. we just hugged because i had no idea what to say. and that hug is enough to last me for a long time.

more than that though, during the dinner/drinks part, i got to talk to vicky about internship and aiesec related stuff. i'm seriously reconsidering my decision to let go of aiesec in the coming year, seeing as i was passed over by an aiesecer for the P&G position. it's apparently a very real advantage in the corporate world. i'm not even sure if that's what i want but i just want to remain competitive.

so what to do? try for a role in aiesec and try to squeeze it in with the rest of my shit next year? but sigh.

the reality is, i don't know anyone in aiesec anymore. perhaps coming back isn't even a realistic option :( idk.

my nestle experience

i woke up this morning to the sounds of my alarm clock.

this time around, i knew there was no way i could squeeze in an extra 15 minutes of sleep unlike when i have to go to school. there were no shortcuts to getting to nestle's rockwell office and i was still trying to fully grasp the driving directions i had acquired with my mom yesterday.

so i showered, got dressed, had breakfast, put on a little bit of makeup, and went on my way. i seemed to have been driving on autopilot mode so i was along quirino already when i realized that i missed my turn to go to V. Mapa. it was easily corrected by a few u-turns and left turns and i found myself back on track.

i parked at poweplant mall and it was so difficult figuring out how the hell i was gonna get out. the mall was still closed and janitors were milling about, cleaning the floors and such. since i arrived at 8:30, i decided to head to starbucks to kill time. i ordered (my now favorite) iced chai tea latte and sat at one of the tables near the restroom. i grabbed a newspaper, drank my tea, and texted with various people while waiting for 9 AM to roll around. lo and behold, i spot a tiny rat scurry across the floor from the mug shelves to another post. my eyes just widened and i had no idea what to do. i immediately looked around to see if anyone else saw that and there was this asian guy in line who seemed to be looking in my direction. i stared at him, wondering if he was going to report the evil occurrence but i guess he must have just been conversing with the baristas. i returned the newspaper to the stand and quickly left that infested place. i didn't bother reporting anymore since i just really didn't want to have to stay and explain or cause a scene.

after grabbing my shoes from the car, i walked the entire length of poweplant to figure out if there was a nestle entrance anywhere. finding none, i had to go back to the starbucks exit and walk to nestle from there.

when i arrived at the lobby, i saw a fellow UP student who was probably interviewing for the same position as i was. anyway, i was led to the HR room where i saw czarina ocampo and we talked for a little bit. after that, it was my interview with Ms. Lissa who just generally asked me about my resume. i felt like i could have  made my answers sound more impressive since i felt like i was only giving her the basics. it went well enough and i had my interview with the line manager. i was kinda disappointed that it wasn't for any of the cool brands like milo or kitkat but i would take what i can get. turns out, it was an HR internship for the infant nutrition segment of nestle and it would entail handling their med rep leadership program.

i was feeling disappointed after the interview since that's not really the internship i want. i want brand management and marketing and it seems like that is not what this position offers. so i drove away feeling semi-down that my expectations weren't met.

after a while though, i got a text from Ms. Isa asking if i was available for another interview on wednesday. i immediately agreed.

it's dangerous to hope but i'm really praying for a marketing/communications related interview. it's also a really tough squeeze for my ayala internship which is still a go so far.

:SSSSSSSSSSSSSS

i don't know what's going to happen, but i'm just really hoping for the best now (while still expecting the worst of course). i really do hope that things will eventually just fall into place for me with this whole internship thing.

wish me luck :)

New Leaf (Take 2)

this blog was supposed to be all about turning over a new leaf and starting a new chapter in my life. but all it has amounted to so far is a way for me to let out all my angst when it's too hateful to share with anyone else. i guess i may never be able to go back to that girl that used to blog every single day back in high school. i'm now a girl who just tweets a lot on her private k-pop twitter account whenever something major happens.

i can't say i dislike who i am now. i don't even know who i am anymore. and that statement is not a sweeping declaration of how lost i'm supposed to be. it's more of a comment on how i'm living such an unexamined life. for some reason, that quote has just been running through my mind randomly these days. "a life unexamined is a life not worth living." that's not verbatim but i think that's the general idea.

i go through the motions a lot these days and it seems like i rarely stop and ponder at what the hell it all means. i just keep doing, doing, doing. going, going, going. i'm not even sure if i'm happy where i am right now or not.

so i guess this is the purpose of this post tonight. no more promises of a new routine where i blog everyday. if i'm gonna do it, i'm just gonna go ahead and do it. i just want this post to commemorate a change in mindset where i can analyze and process exactly how i feel about what happens to me everyday. in a way, i feel like twitter has robbed me of all the extra thoughts that go through my mind in place of a succinct summary in 140 characters.

so what happened today?

i went to sleep at around 5 am this morning. i was up the entire night along with my ba 170 marketing plan groupmates trying to finish our final paper. for the entire stretch of time between 8:30pm to 12:30am, absolutely nothing was happening to our paper. fen and mj weren't online despite calling for a 7pm meeting. it was just another bout of procrastination on my part since i could have easily written my part right away and went to bed.

damn. why didn't i think of that.

i also spent a considerable amount of time photoshopping the mockup of bench fit. it was really just another procrastinating strategy since i was really dreading having to write anything for the paper since i genuinely lacked direction at where the paper was heading. the group never really met to iron out all the issues and loopholes that may arise.

in the end, we gave a crappy presentation and (i think) generally disappointed our professor. we were so obviously unprepared since we submitted our paper late, crammed the powerpoint until the last second, and were so agape at all the questions they were throwing at us. i can't even find it in me to feel frustrated since we got the presentation we deserved. things didn't magically fall into place this time and we have no one to blame but ourselves.

after the dismal report, donna and i met up with dea and karah to discuss our FYI final pitch. i was surprised to hear that they didn't wanna go through with the competition anymore since there wasn't enough time to completely think the entire thing through. better pull out than give a half-assed presentation, i guess. i applaud them for already knowing their limits. wonder when i'll figure out mine.

i dragged the three of them to katipunan to continue talking while i search for a good place to eat that has free parking (a rarity in katipunan, really). we ended up going all the way to xavierville and went inside chubby chicken. something was way off with their AC and i wasn't about to suffer through that so i suggested transfer to another restaurant. karah stopped by starr's first to try their famous milkshakes and we eventually decided to try eating at brickfire. despite my perception of the place as having really expensive food (which they did), they also had P120 or less meals that is just right for a student's budget. donna and i happily ate the adobo flakes and beef salpicao respectively. yummm is all i can say. definitely worth it and definitely worth coming back!

after more conversation, i dropped off dea at BA since she still had a 198 meeting, and i dropped karah off at her dorm. donna and i traveled the familiar route going to philcoa since she was going home before heading off to her big trinoma date. after that, i just went home and now i pretty much feel like just collapsing and sleeping.

before heading to bed, i've decided to pick my facial routine back up. i am now using pond's acne cleansing scrub paired with the pond's pore cleansing toner. the combined effect of both will hopefully result in a more beautiful and radiant skin by the time i get interviewed on monday.

however, as G-dragon said, sleep is the real secret to beautiful skin and who am i to disagree with a makeup endorser? so i guess that's it for now.

wish me luck and hengshoooo :)