it hurts yaknow

lamenting my rejection from the abc program once again because i saw the people who got in posting about it. it hurts that they got in and i didn't. it hurts that i'm basically branded as not being as good as they are. it hurts. it just hurts.

is there any sense in comparison/ is there any sense in making myself feel this bad/ what's wrong with me/

i do feel as if i've been giving my best every time but so far it hasn't panned out yet.

must be a sign for me to either work harder or change my career path completely.

let's stick to what we talked about

i wasn't able to post yesterday mainly because of all the CRS-related craziness. basic rundown of the day is waking up at 530 AM to pick ate heny up from the airport. she got mad cause we were about 30 minutes late. i then had breakfast since i had stuff to do the post-doc still and the writeups which i didn't end up doing anyway and just spent my time torrenting.

tata and i then went to the laundry to drop off some stuff and pick stuff up as per usual. then we went to mass at christ the king where i nudged ate heny to stop being so grumpy. we had lunch at gerry's grill and as soon as i got home, i just did nothing on the internet.

social network kicked in after my 6-8pm nap and 9pm dinner all the way untill 2 am.

damn. i'm so lazy.

will tell you about my day today later. see ya.

highs and lows

i'm supposed to be doing the cap post-doc template right now but i can't seem to bring myself to do it. as discussed in the previous post, there have been a lot of things that i haven't quite achieved which i'm beginning to feel the effects of now. there are times when i feel okay about it and times when i feel really bad and wonder where i went wrong.

it's just a total mix of emotions and i guess sembreak is the perfect time to sort everything out while i get ready for the next and final sem of my college life.

there's law school to think about, there's applications to think about - UFLP and whatever else program, and just the future in general like idk my grades.

i just badly want to take a shower right now since i really stink so bad.

today has been an unproductive day overall. hoping for a better tomorrow.

not quite

in what can only be considered a feeble attempt at living a well-examined life, i've decided to start blogging again. i don't know how long it'll last this time. 1 month, 1 week, or just this one post. a lot has been happening in my life lately and it's just become one thing after another that i no longer have any idea where it's all going. i just keep pushing and pushing and pushing without ever really stopping to think if this is where i want to be.

my life has been filed with a lot of 'almosts' lately. almost made it to markprof. almost made it to the ASEAN business challenge. almost made it to the FLL nationals. almost almost almost. when you get close enough to the things you want, and then for some reason you don't end up getting it, who can you blame but yourself and the circumstances. is it that i'm good but other people are better/ or is it cause i don't try as hard as they do/

it must be true then that winners keep winning. but is the reverse true, that losers will keep on losing/

after getting rejected by p+g, i wondered about my career in marketing. is this really what i want. will i die if i don't get into unilever, nestle, or p+g/ is that the end of the world for me/ i just hate getting so close every time and never clinching the winning prize.

domino effect pa rin ba from PANA/ yes because for some reason, i can't seal the deal in anything.

school has been going pretty well though, eng 143 aside. top in 129 and in 177 so i can't complain there. maybe i can win in academics but not in competitions/ maybe.

now that first sem is officially over, i think i spent the first day pretty well. i went to that interview for AIMS and i managed to buy the 2 things i've been wanting for my laptop since day 1 - a case and the HDMI adaptor. here's to finally being able to use my laptop during presentations. gawd. a total hassle the entire sem and one thing that i felt was always pretty much out of my control.

preenlistment round 1 has closed and i'm hoping i get the subjects and the schedule i want. i just want to make my last sem in UP count. career fair is coming up and yearbook is coming up so there's a lot to look forward to. almost graduating. crazy how time flies.