I've been going crazy these past two weeks because of my crush on this one guy. It's crazy because for the first time ever, there's a possibility that he likes me back.
So I get distracted thinking about possible conversations, possible situations, possible moments. In short, I've been daydreaming.
But I'm not really sure what I want so there's been a push and pull on my part between expressing my interest and ignoring him completely. Because come on, we've known each other how long? There's attraction, yes, but not enough to sustain anything of worth. Or am I just taking everything too seriously?
Either way, I think that the decision has been made for me. He is now sort of shifting his attention towards another girl and while I feel bad about that, I realize I can't blame him. I'm writing this down because I want the issue to come to a close. I no longer want to agonize over whether he's chatting me up on facebook or chatting up the other girl. I no longer want to think if there's any meaning behind him liking my photos. I don't want to think about him that way anymore. I don't want to go crazy and resent the other girl for being responsive to his attentions.
I'm hoping we can just go to being friends who are comfortable with each other. I feel like we started on the wrong foot with him immediately coming on too strong towards me. I want to feel the easy conversation like I do with the other guys without fear of having it allude to something romantic.
It's my fault for reading too much into it. I realize that now. His past behavior has shown that he seems to be going through the girls and seeing where it takes him. That's a bit harshly put but is nonetheless evident from his actions.
While I have enjoyed his attentions with the view that it has potential for becoming more, I would now like to take it for what it is, no malisya. I'll smile at him when he smiles at me and leave it at that. I think this whole thing has prevented me from becoming a friend to him which is truly regrettable.
It is high time to leave past flirtations behind and start from scratch. I think that's the only way I can move forward :)
